When I heard that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their daughter North West, I thought about some of the other unfortunate names that I’ve heard over the years. I remember thinking more than once, “What were those parents thinking?”
Celebrities seem to go overboard with names for their children. Beyonce and JayZ named their little girl Blue Ivy. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin named their daughter Apple. Nicolas Cage and his wife Alice Kim named their son KalEl, the original name of Superman. Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf named their son Pilot Inspektor. Uma Thurman and Aprod Busson gave their daughter five names: Rosalind Arusha Arkalina Altalune Florence, but they are going to call her “Luna.” (Can they call the mom “loonie”?) Stars have been doing stuff like that for a while, though. Remember when Cher Bono named her daughter Chastity? And then he changed his name to Chas when he became a man.
I had two students, brothers named Bliss and Breeze, who learned to defend their names pretty well. Bliss had muscles of steel and had no trouble at all getting respect, just like the “boy named Sue” from Johnny Cash’s song.
In a small town in Minnesota there was a man named Harry Dick and a woman named Iona Braa. In Iona’s defense, she married into the Braa family. Good Dutch name. Speaking of Dutch names, there is, or was, a Dutch lawmaker by the name of Tiny Kox. How many guys in the U.S.A. would vote for that, huh?
There was a Canadian guy featured on a late-night talk show named Dick Assman. He pronounces the name “Uzzman” but it’s how it’s written that’s catchy. Then there’s a guy named Dick Passwater. Really, some last names should be banned.
I have no idea where Hans Ohff and Autumn Fogg live, but at least Autumn has a chance to get rid of her last name. Apparently, there really is a young man by the name of Batman Bin Suparman in Singapore. Lately, people have been naming their kids Facebook (a girl in Egypt), Like (a girl in Israel) and Hashtag, also a girl, but I have no idea where she was born. I would definitely draw the line, though, at something like Mousepad or Screensaver.
Speaking of drawing the line, there are some countries that do have naming laws, Sweden, New Zealand, and Germany, and probably others. A list of names that have been officially denied makes one wonder about the sanity of some parents these days.
Do our names have something to do with our destiny? One man back in the 19th century seemed to have the perfect name: Preserved Fish. He was a shipping merchant. 🙂