You can’t control everything in your life. They say that’s why God gave us hair on our heads, because he knew that everybody would have a bad hair day once in a while. Of course, there are bald people, for whom that doesn’t seem to apply. I suspect they have other types of bad days.
Why do people want to control things? Why do we fear loss of control? The fear of losing control is a common one. It’s the fear that if we don’t control events, something horrible will happen. People with this fear keep themselves in a constant state of stress, because they feel they need to be ready for anything.
People who fear loss of control are perfectionists. They seek certainty in life, and when they don’t get it – because, after all, certainty is a very rare thing in this world – they fret and worry. It seems a great contradiction to them that in order to free themselves from worrying about the future, they have to give up seeking certainty, because in their minds, only certainty, only knowing ahead of time that things will go OK, will allow them to stop worrying. In other words, the apparent contradiction inherent in giving up control so that you no longer fear loss of control is mind-boggling. I agree, it does sound like a bit of double-speak, but it’s exactly what they will have to do if they want to free themselves from their self-made misery.
For me, it has helped to realize that, ultimately, God is in control. That doesn’t mean God micromanages things. We do have some element of control over our own lives, and it’s important for us to learn to make decisions The point is that whatever the outcome of our decision is, we can and will live through it, and hopefully we will learn something. Ironically, we may end up learning much more from a so-called “bad” decision than from a “good” one.
Letting go of our need for control means surrendering to the process that is life, a process of learning from our mistakes. It doesn’t mean that we don’t care about the outcome of a situation. It doesn’t mean that we need to shut down and just let things happen to us. It doesn’t mean we should let other people control us. It means learning not to force outcomes or make people behave a certain way. It sometimes means letting someone else have control of the situation. It means having the courage to trust that we are strong enough, smart enough, and flexible enough to face the future and make the best of any situation. It means we focus on what is possible and leave the rest up to Divine Spirit.
Sometimes we don’t believe that we will be up to the task, but once we begin to let go, we realize that we are, indeed, strong enough to handle whatever happens. Sure, things will turn out differently from what we expected, but it things will work out somehow, and we will get through the experience, hopefully having learned something about ourselves or about life.
It takes courage to trust. Courage doesn’t mean blind fearlessness. Courage means sizing up the situation, taking reasonable precautions or making reasonable preparations, and then forging ahead, knowing that your choices have something to do with the outcome, and knowing that the outcome will ultimately result in a learning process.
Another thing that has helped me is knowing that I am Soul, and that I exist independently of this body that I’m interfacing with right now. The body will die one day, but I will not. There is nothing, nothing that can snuff me out. When the body dies, I will leave it behind, and I will be somewhere in the Inner Worlds, surrounded by loved ones in my Soul group. I will be Home, and, like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, I will be able to say, “There’s no place like home.” I will be given the chance to review my life and see the purpose of some of the things that happened in my life. Maybe I’ll look back and say, “Ohhhh, so that’s why….” 🙂