Today is Thursday, February 6, 2014.
Almost everyone has had some sort of experience from which we need to heal our hearts. It may have been the death of a loved one, a divorce, or a breakup of a longtime friendship or romantic relationship. It may have been an unpleasant ending to long-term career, or perhaps the necessity of retiring before we were emotionally ready. It may also be some sort of emotional abuse that we need to heal ourselves from
Louise Hay, an authority on healing, and David Kessler, an expert on grief and loss, have written a new book called You Can Heal Your Heart. Louise gave 10 Affirmations on her Facebook page from the new book. Hay says that the book is not just about grieving a loss, but also about “changing our thinking for the future.” For more information and video and audio clips, go to www.YouCanHealYourHeart.com.
I thought it would be interesting to look at these affirmations to see how they can help.
1. Love guides all my relationships.
This is an important thing to remember when we’re hurting, because it is sometimes hard to get past feelings of anger when a friend leaves our orbit, or a mate or partner breaks up with us. The main thing to remember is that every relationship has something to teach us, and when we’ve learned all we can from it, the relationship ends. What is the most loving thing you can do when someone leaves? Let them go, and wish them well on their life journey.
2. All things are unfolding as they are supposed to.
This is another hard thing to remember. We are Soul and we are here in the physical world to have experiences that will allow us to gain important qualities, such as patience, discernment, perseverance, humility, and discipline. And why must we learn these things? In order to assist each other. What we learn from one relationship can be applied to the next one, and what we learn in this lifetime can be applied to future physical lives or our life in the heavenly worlds. (You didn’t think you were just going to sit around in heaven, did you?)
3. When I bring myself to grief, it is healing.
As Louise Hay says, “A grieving heart is an open heart.” Once our hearts are open, we are paradoxically able to receive more love, even if we feel we have just lost love. Strange, but true. Deborah Morris Coryell wrote that the word “heal” has roots in the idea of becoming “whole” in many languages. When we truly feel our grief, instead of sweeping it under the carpet, we can integrate the experience that is making us sad into our being, so that it can be a part of who we are.
4. In my sadness, I love myself.
It’s one thing to love ourselves when everything is going well. It’s quite another thing to love ourselves when we are sad, angry, depressed, and fearful, especially when we act out our feelings in unacceptable and unloving ways. When we remember to love ourselves, and give ourselves a little slack, our behavior improves. Nobody said this was going to be easy. It’s not easy to love someone else when they’re behaving badly, and it’s not any easier to love ourselves when we’re this way. Just remember that “love” doesn’t mean agreeing with people, condoning their behavior, or enabling them. All it means is accepting them and recognizing that they are a child of God. When we are sad, it is a good time to remember that we are children of God and we have a right to be here and to feel the way we do, even though we don’t necessarily have a right to act out our negative feelings or take our feelings out on others. The key is self-acceptance.
5. I will feel my grief but not wallow in it.
Think of grief as a tunnel you must go through, but not as a hole or a cave. You go through it and come out on the other side. Prolonging grief is not fair to yourself or to anyone else. A web page called Grief-Healing-Support.com speaks of a condition known as “complicated grief,” or prolonged grief. If you scroll down, there is a list of treatment options. I found it interesting that the Buddhist concept of “mindfulness” was one of the options. Learning to live in the present moment is especially important for people who are grieving, because grief keeps us stuck in the past. When we are mindful of the present, we not only take our minds off the past, but we also create for ourselves a brighter future.
6. I honor the love more than the loss.
Do you think that the love you had with the person you lost has made you a better person? If so, how can you show that to the world? To me, that’s what “honoring the love” is all about. Think about it: when you continue to grieve, who are you really thinking about – the person you lost, or yourself? Here are some statements that grieving people tend to make: This is so unfair (to me). I will never get over this. I can’t believe he/she’s gone. It’s my fault that he/she’s gone. Get the picture? The emphasis in prolonged grief is really on the self, not on the one who left or died! A great way to get the focus off yourself is to focus on giving to others. Volunteer for your loved one’s favorite charity. Volunteer to spend quality time with local children. Even if you never make a formal dedication, you can resolve to do kindnesses to others in loving memory of the person who is no longer with you.
7. I can find happiness in any situation.
Happiness is out there all the time. It’s like a radio station that is broadcasting, whether you have your radio turned on or not. The key is to “turn on your radio.” Find the happiness. Or better yet, BE the happiness.
8. I love life, and life loves me.
Your current physical lifetime was given to you for a reason. You are here to learn and grow spiritually so that you can serve God by assisting others. Life is an incredible gift, and each person’s life is tailored especially for them. Get on with your own life; don’t waste a moment of it!
9. I have lived and loved.
Remember that the person you have lost represents a chance to have a certain set of experiences, some pleasant and others unpleasant. You have come through that experience and now is the time to think about what you have gained from the experience. What have you learned? In what ways are you different (better!) than before you had your relationship with the loved one you lost? In what positive ways did that loved one impact your life? Take a moment to be grateful for each and every blessing you received.
10. I am healed.
This is the hardest of all to say to yourself when you are hurting, but remember the principle of “acting as if.” When we do this, and when we place a powerful, positive intention behind it, we are literally re-programming our subconscious minds. It’s important to remember that the it’s the subconscious mind, not the conscious mind, that makes most of the decisions in our lives. In the Christian Bible, in Matthew 9:29, Jesus was healing some blind men. “Then he touched their eyes and said, ‘According to your faith let it be done to you.'” Saying “I am healed” to yourself and really believing what you are saying works on this same sort of principle. You get out what you put in. 🙂